Unspoken friendship
by Strix nebulosa
Summary: we never claimed to be friends and no one suspected anything a post HBP story of devotion and mutual understanding. pls RXR!


**Disclaimer: _Everything recognizable is J K Rowling's. _**

**UNSPOKEN FRIENDSHIP**

"James and Sirius thought they knew me, but they didn't. In fact I can think of only one person who truly knew me and he was none of my parents."

"What do you mean?" asked the boy." How come your parents did not know you?"

"They did, Harry, in a way… you see, it wasn't easy to be a werewolf. I would often see them cry or being sad because of what had happened to me. So there was no point in telling them how awful I felt myself! All my fears and thoughts were something I forced myself to hide from everyone. Nobody could help me so there was no need for their pity. Sometimes I'm pretty sure my mum knew what was going on in my mind, but she was a smart woman and knew me well enough to understand I wasn't going to talk about anything. Not when I was sure it would hurt her even more to find out just how much I was suffering"

"It must've been very hard!"

"It was. I couldn't make any real friends for fear I hurt them or they'd leave me when they found my secret."

"But dad and Sirius never left you!"

"Indeed. They stayed by my side as my friends, which is more then I could ever ask from anyone."

"Then how can you say they didn't know you?"

"They did, Harry, in a way…"

"What do you mean?"

"They knew Moony, a bookworm, exasperating know-it-all, who would become a werewolf once a month. But I could never tell them my true opinion about me, my fears or my angsty feelings. Mostly cause they would never let me finish what I had to say. They would cut me off and tell me to stop thinking that way, that it was unnerving. But I couldn't help doing it. Secondly, if I ever told them I liked somebody or that someone had done something to me then they would act for me, Harry, and this is one of the things I hate the most: people acting for me! Unfortunately, they would always do that."

"Oh" said Harry" I don't like people acting for me either!"

Remus smiled.

"You told me there was someone who did know you? Who was he?"

"Severus Snape"

"Oh… WHAT? You're joking, right?"

"Calm down, Harry! And no, I'm not joking!" said calmly the werewolf. "Care to hear the story?"

Harry nodded.

"Ok then" he sighed." Everything started after that night Sirius sent him to see me transforming. I was so mad at Sirius. How could he do such a thing? Had he ever thought for a mere second what could have happened to Severus? What I could have done and how I should have felt afterwards? He apologized but it took me a week to forgive him. Of course, James was the divided one: he had to stay with me and Sirius. One day the two were playing Quidditch. I gathered my courage and went to Snape. He saw me and snapped '_What do you want?"_ It was then when I told him I wished Sirius hadn't been so stupid and apologized for what could have happened. At first he was kind of nervous but accepted my apologies. I turned to leave, not before muttering 'Sorry_ once more! I didn't choose to be a werewolf!'_ Then he just tapped my shoulder and did the most incredible thing of all: he asked me if I wanted to talk about that. Surprisingly I nodded. That night caught us in the library and for the first time in my life I let out my sorrow without being stopped. Occasionally, he would tap my shoulder or give me a quick hug if I started crying. I remember he didn't say a word and when I was done there was no pity in his eyes, but something I would define later as understanding. He told me to just hold on, that what was done was done and I could not change a thing; it hadn't been up to me whether to be werewolf or not, but it was up to me how I dealt with it. Then we said good night, yet we both knew it had been only the beginning."

"You mean you kept talking with your friends' enemy in hiding?"

'Yes" Remus said with a smile. "It was sort of selfish from me, I admit it. I would be friends with James and Sirius, but I would go to Severus every time I needed a listener. Unlike anything you might think, Harry, Severus is a great listener. That was what I needed. Not someone to act for me or get revolted at my thoughts, but to simply listen to me. From time to time, he'd cheer me up if I was getting too depressed, but he would never stop me from saying what I had on my heart. Soon enough I realized he was more then a listener, he understood. After a year or so he trusted me with the secrets of his soul, with the memories of his mostly unhappy childhood. That way I got to know him better then anybody else."

"So…" but Harry couldn't finish his sentence. What he had just heard was too much to take in at once.

"So your father and Sirius were my friends, but they never let me tell them everything. That's why I say they didn't know me. My sorrows, my fears, my angsty thoughts, the moments I hated myself… I could not tell them. They would have laughed or tell me to cut it off… all those feelings… only Severus could understand. He saw my happy moments and knew my sad ones. When I was happy, I would meet his eyes in the Great Hall and smile to him. He'd nod and smile back. He never needed a reason, he would just be happy for me and I'd do the same for him."

Harry was completely speechless. He knew Snape was not that bad since it had been proven he hadn't really killed Dumbledore and continued working as a spy till the downfall of Voldemort, but from there to see him as Lupin's unknown friend…

"Why have you never told your friends about him?"

"I couldn't risk their friendship. They hated Severus and he didn't love them too much either!"

"But he… he didn't mind at all? I mean he must have wanted you to tell them!"

"He never asked for anything. You see, Harry, he knew what James and Sirius meant to me and he was smart enough to see that once they'd found out sooner or later I'd have to choose. I could not be friends with them and their enemy in the same time. I guess he didn't want to put through that."

"But you still claim to have been friends with Snape behind my dad's and Sirius's backs!"

"We never claimed to be friends and no one suspected anything. We never wondered what we had, but I guess I could call it friendship. He cared for me and knew me better then anybody ever did or ever will!"

"Now, now!" came a low drawl from the doorway. "Let this man have some rest, Potter! Remus, you're still injured from the last fight so please do yourself a favor and get some sleep. Take this potion first!"

Harry raised and left the room.

"I'll leave you too in a few minutes. I know you don't want anyone around you when you transform even thought you're totally harmless now, die to the potion."

Remus smiled brightly at his friend. Severus knew him so well.

"Anyway! Thanks to you, Severus, tonight will be my last time as a werewolf! You did the impossible and found a cure for me!"

"Well it actually brought me the Order of Merlin, First Class!"

Remus chuckled.

" Yes! But you did all that research for me! You know, it's the first time someone's acting for me and I don't mind."

They both started laughing.

"Take your potion, Remus!"

Remus took it and laid on his pillow.

"See you tomorrow, my friend!" he said to a leaving Severus Snape.

Severus stopped in the doorway. They had been being friends for over 20 years, but it was the first time Remus had called him that way. His heart jumped. He had wished for that for so long, so much. Those simple little words meant so much to him, who had never had friends. Finally, after so many years of unspoken friendship, he was able to mutter back:

"See you tomorrow, my friend!"


End file.
